'My reflections on thoughts, feelings and experiences past and present. My search for personal growth and autonomy and emotional strength. Exploring how these relate to the transactional analysis TA model
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Bringing BEN a little closer
Ben Willis - My Blog: I made this video tour to show everyone who hasn't...: "I made this video tour to show everyone who hasn't already seen my new room!"
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Shaming Myself to Wii Action
Ok, getting motivated in other ways too..now I have tackled the demon drink,
over 2 months now without, I need to tackle my sedentary lifestyle and my eating of too much sugar and bad carbs!!
Now this is embrassing, but I am shaming myself into action.
It was the hardest thing to do after so long away..I knew that the non-compromising Wii, would not give me an easy time after 172 days absence and I have been putting it off for months. So today I climbed on, gritted my teeth to find that I have now entered the 'obese' category.
So now I have set a new target to lose 1 stone in 1 month. And just to shame myself into action I am sharing the pictures of me on the Wii this morning. Thanks Doni for doing the painful deed and taking these pics for me.
over 2 months now without, I need to tackle my sedentary lifestyle and my eating of too much sugar and bad carbs!!
Now this is embrassing, but I am shaming myself into action.
It was the hardest thing to do after so long away..I knew that the non-compromising Wii, would not give me an easy time after 172 days absence and I have been putting it off for months. So today I climbed on, gritted my teeth to find that I have now entered the 'obese' category.
So now I have set a new target to lose 1 stone in 1 month. And just to shame myself into action I am sharing the pictures of me on the Wii this morning. Thanks Doni for doing the painful deed and taking these pics for me.
Aghh!!!
Next Wii pic instalment 11th Jan 2011
Watch this space.
Busy Times
I have been quiet for over a week. Since the snow I have been busy getting really motivated and getting up to date at work. Spending time making and printing my Christmas cards. I was really lucky to be invited by my good friend Sammi to see the Evita preview at Eastbourne College on Monday evening. I was really impressed, lovely singing and very good standard of acting. I am always amazed at how much amateur talent there is around and am then reminded of the hard work, dedication, commitmemt and luck that is needed for those that want to make it.
My car was playing up. I couldn't understand why the heater wasn't working the garage told me to check the water, sure enough it was as low as low could be!
Had a lovely visit and meal with mum on Wednesday night and last night went to Manuel's, Tony had organised a surprise party for his 50th birthday. Amanda and Greg came with us. Amanda now lives with her husband Greg in Canada but they are in UK at moment for up to 2 years.
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My car was playing up. I couldn't understand why the heater wasn't working the garage told me to check the water, sure enough it was as low as low could be!
Had a lovely visit and meal with mum on Wednesday night and last night went to Manuel's, Tony had organised a surprise party for his 50th birthday. Amanda and Greg came with us. Amanda now lives with her husband Greg in Canada but they are in UK at moment for up to 2 years.
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Thursday, 2 December 2010
Hot News - Freezing Eastbourne
!! SORRY !!
BUT IT'S COLD - I've BEEN OUT
TAKING MORE SNOW PICTURES
FOR THE MEMORY BANK
Our front garden
Our Street
Our back garden
Our fish pond
(the pump is still running)
Montessori For Ben
Emily wrote to me and shared that she is aiming to get Ben into a private Montessori School, she and Michael are cutting back other things to raise 60% themselves and have asked a few close family if they can help in any small way. I am so proud of her, trying to get what is best for Ben, and I am so proud of him for having the special gifts that he has and for his love of reading and learning which is just a great inspiration. I am not in a position to help out in a big way, but I have decided to make a small monthly contribution to Emily and Michael that I hope will help them on their way to raising the funds to send Ben to this school in which we hope he will thrive.
Grandmums are always MUMs
My mum has always been such a great carer, she is organised and creative, she keeps busy and loves looking after people. She doesnt like to be pushy. Growing up she did too much for us, she worried about us all, and was definitely over protective. She always had a power over me as a child, even though I had my minor rebellion, I could never really go off the rails as I was always too afraid of hurting her feelings. I suppose that is an element of the respect we have for her. Mum still worries, now she is worrying about her granddaughter, my neice Natalie. Natalie may live with friends soon instead of with Paula. Mum worries about this, it reminds me of how she always said that she did not want her girls to leave home before we were married, and we didnt. However, both Paula and I married very young and I know I was still very naive and in some ways still a child when I did marry. Bless our mum for her caring, but Natalie...use the time to grow into a strong and independent young woman. Learn about life and its responsibilities and learn, learn, learn about yourself, who you are and what you want to be in life....take care and have fun...xxx
Labels:
caring,
gran,
grandchildren,
grannie,
independance,
nannie,
nanny,
worrying
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
My Red car turned White
My car was pretty much covered this morning but the old faithful got me to work. Still can't help enjoying the snow, disruption or not, it makes the world a pretty place!
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Silly Icy Road - Thanks for the rescue DONI, my HERO
If only we had had a camera with us, what a funny incident!!
Am I the only one these things seem to happen to consistently? Yesterday evening, I left work to go to a late home visit at 7pm. Noticed a no entry sign so did not turn into the road and took myself on a 'guess the alternative approach' route. So foolishly turned into a narrow cul de sac, on a slight hill, on a very icy road of compacted snow. The car would not reverse out. A few lovely street residents came out to help. I somehow managed to do a 20 point turn to turn the car around with a nice lady using a shovel trying to help. Once turned around, sadly the wheels just kept on spinning. Eventually left the car....called SUPERMAN and waited on main road for rescue. My wonderful rescuer, walked back to the car with me, he tried in 2nd gear, but still no movement. Eventually, SUPERMAN suggested that I climb on the bonnet and this worked to put the weight on the front tyres.
SO I KNEW THERE WAS A GOOD REASON WHY I HAVE PUT ON THOSE EXTRA TENS OF POUNDS ....USEFUL EH!!
thanks DONI...
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Where did that weekend go?
Saturday shopping, don't much like the christmas rush. Never have enjoyed shopping, find the crowds all spending to show some kind of feeling and love but in the process many showing irritation and stress, demoralising. Minds whirring to think, 'What can I give that is original? what do they already have? That's nice but would they really want it or even like it? I could get a voucher but will they think its a cop out? I could get them a voucher or give money but if they give me the same it kind of defeats the object! And if I give more than them they may feel guilty and cheap and if they give more than me - will feel guilty and cheap! Where does it all end? I know many say it, but why do so few act on the belief that the art of giving is not in the content or the monetory value of a gift but the genuine love and feeling with which it is given.
Last night Erica was brill in full monty. Loved the show.
Snow still settled outside, but don't think we are getting anymore tonight.
Just been to Leon and nics, don helping leon with some DIY, Lovely dinner guys...xx
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Last night Erica was brill in full monty. Loved the show.
Snow still settled outside, but don't think we are getting anymore tonight.
Just been to Leon and nics, don helping leon with some DIY, Lovely dinner guys...xx
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Labels:
art of giving,
christmas,
crowds spirit of christmas,
shopping
Saturday, 27 November 2010
1960s Snow - Beulah Grove Croydon
Three of us, all excited, snow falling fast outside, garden smothered in white. Mum would get us all wrapped up in our warmest clothes, coats, scarves, hats and gloves. Out we would go, every intention of building the biggest and best snowman, other kids will be out to play, there will be snowball fights. It was always so alluring, couldnt wait to get out there and play, but how long could we survive? I am sure we didnt last longer than half an hour, but we had so much fun. Within minutes of being out there, the snug warm knitted mittens would be a soggy cold mess on your hands. Getting back inside, it was a complete change out of the wet clothes into warm dry ones by the fire, followed by a bowl of Heinz Tomato soup with white bread.
Friday, 26 November 2010
The Full Monty
Looking forward to The Full Monty tomorrow night..................Erica's playing the part of the wife of the man with the gnomes in his garden. Mum is coming with us...........
http://www.ambassadortickets.com/1995/664/Theatre-Royal-Brighton/The-Full-Monty
Theatre Royal Brighton. - Tomorrow 8:30 FINAL Performance.
http://www.ambassadortickets.com/1995/664/Theatre-Royal-Brighton/The-Full-Monty
Theatre Royal Brighton. - Tomorrow 8:30 FINAL Performance.
Friends, little ones and Babies
I love spending time with Kiddies and Babies, Allison and Simon's beautiful girls Rosie 2 1/2 and Jessica 6 weeks, were a delight this afternoon, so sweet, a credit to them both. Allison and Simon are naturals, keeping those girls occupied and happy. I had a lovely afternoon with Allison, juggling conversation with little one time...she is brilliant at it...lots of thoughts whilst there about my own two when they were a similar age...loved those days. Allison was quite right when she said that she and Simon have banned the words, "I'm tired!" She said that they have decided jointly not to complain about how exhausted they may be but to get on with it positively, because this is one of the best and happiest times of their lives and they need to enjoy it.....
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Confession - a SPECIAL kind of Hangover
Angie baby....is absolutely right, I did have a 'hangover' on Sunday after drinking a bottle of non alcoholic white wine & several cranberry and sodas!!
I have 2 theories....antifreeze type stuff that takes the alcohol out of the wine????? or overdose of liquid matter...
I did not recover until late Sunday afternoon.
Who has the answers???
I have 2 theories....antifreeze type stuff that takes the alcohol out of the wine????? or overdose of liquid matter...
I did not recover until late Sunday afternoon.
Who has the answers???
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
I'm T Total
I have been to the pub this evening, I had a great time celebrating the end of our FAST programme at a local school. I have now been T Total for a month (apart from one drink for Dave at his funeral). I have been out socially several times and I love that I enjoy myself in just the same way as my friends, but don't get tired and I dont get hung over and generally, I feel really clear headed. Keeping my brain functioning and my body healthy is my reason. It has been so much easier than you may think. I am seriously thinking this is a permanent move for me. I have no desire to drink ever again. It is so liberating.
Who else has given anything up, and what was your experience?
Who else has given anything up, and what was your experience?
Labels:
abstaining,
alcohol,
drink,
giving up,
non-alcoholic,
t total
Sad Times are Special Too
Missing my brother Dave loads. This year, before he died in October, I saw more of him than I have done in several years previously. I have wonderful memories of our childhood together, he was everything a big brother should be, fun, friendly and he always looked out for me and my sister Paula. I am glad he is no longer suffering, but wish that we had spent more of our adult lives together. I have to say that during my visits to him in recent months, I have gotten to know my sister in law Lorraine and my nephews, Dan and Jack so well and love them all dearly. They are a wonderful strong family and I really hope that I will be able to see them all regularly as time goes on. They are planning to come and see us in Eastbourne next summer. The funeral was a desperately sad and special time, Dave was so loved by everyone who came into contact with him, everyone we talked to spoke of his constant good humour, his sense of mischief and fun and it makes me feel so proud, proud of him, and proud of our heritage. We were so lucky to be raised by two strong, family oriented, fun loving parents who gave us the best gift we could have in life, LOVE and that love was reflected back to him by all his friends and family. I believe he is with Dad now and I believe that together they are with us in our hearts and memories and they are part of all that we do.
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Lovely Wedding Song...Mike to Emily
What a lovely song Mike wrote for Emily
Darling I promise, right here in your arms, to love you forever from this moment on,
You're my revelation, you're my living proof, that two can be one and love can be true,
Now I'll spend a lifetime loving you... mike willis....
Listen to Mike at
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2217926096#!/MikeWillisMusic?v=app_2405167945
Let me know what you think????
Dont forget to follow me....------->>
Labels:
lifetime,
love,
loving,
mike willis,
nashville,
singer,
song,
songwriter,
wedding,
you,
you tube
I LOVE THE WALTONS
Great day today...gave myself some special time this morning. Worked 12:30 - 8:30pm today. This morning I got up late, watched a recorded episode of my old favourite 'The Waltons' on TV. Oh, this new me can admit to absolutely loving that programme. I don't have to pretend to be adult about it and tell myself how naive I am to believe that life could or should be like that. I dont have to tell myself that things cant be like that in the real world. I dont have to tell myself to grow up and be an adult and be secretive about the fact that I actually record the show to watch when nobody else is around to catch me out. I can tell the world that I aspire to and believe in the possibility of warm, friendly mutually respectful family life....... :-)
Just because I know about the real world doenst mean I have to accept it....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYyIPbPAQ2Y
Just because I know about the real world doenst mean I have to accept it....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYyIPbPAQ2Y
Labels:
family,
friendly,
happy,
life,
relationships,
respectful,
waltons,
warm,
you tube
Monday, 22 November 2010
Special Time with my Grandchildren, Ben, Grace and Nicole
My first grandchild, Ben was born in August 2003. He is a special gift to us all. He has a beautiful talent for engaging everyone, he loves all his family and we all love him. He has now turned into our American boy since Emily Married Michael, his daddy in 2007 and they moved to Nashville to live with him.
My first granddaughter, Grace, was born on September 12th 2008. I first saw her at Christmas 2008 when she was 3 months old. She is so beautiful, the attachment was automatic.
I didn't see Ben and Grace again until Grace was 11 months old, when I visited Nashville in August 2009. It was amazing, she came to me and smiled immediately we met. I had a lot of fun line dancing with Ben at the Wildhorse cafe!!
Then again, I had to wait for almost a year before I saw the family again in July this year when Emily, Michael, Ben and Grace visited the UK for three weeks. We had such fun with all the children, it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to them all at the airport, but we see them all again in May when Doni and I are going for another visit to Nashville.
My first granddaughter, Grace, was born on September 12th 2008. I first saw her at Christmas 2008 when she was 3 months old. She is so beautiful, the attachment was automatic.
On May 4th 2009, my second Granddaughter was born at just 24 weeks, this was a very difficult and worrying time for my son Will and his wife Fran. Seeing her for the first time at Southampton Neonatal Unit, I didnt want to leave, I couldn't believe how tiny she was, Will's wedding ring hung off her little wrist. All I could do was stare and marvel at modern science and how much the NHS had contributed to save her lovely little life. I have not posted her picture as I have not asked for Will and Fran's permission to do so, but she is as lovely and beautiful as my other two grandchildren. She is now 18 months old and I believe is making very good progress.
I didn't see Ben and Grace again until Grace was 11 months old, when I visited Nashville in August 2009. It was amazing, she came to me and smiled immediately we met. I had a lot of fun line dancing with Ben at the Wildhorse cafe!!
Labels:
grandchildren,
linedancing,
mike willis,
nashville,
singer songwriter,
special,
times,
wild horse cafe
Thank you Angie and Kevin
Just had a lovely weekend at Angie and Kevins. I love spending time with them, they are such fun and warm people. It was great to see Becky and Natalie and to see what lovely young women they have grown into. Angie and Kevin's home is full of family photos that bring alive the the love and warmth they feel for all their friends and family members, they have such big hearts and I am so glad to have them as friends. It is also great to see Angie and to be able to reminise about the lovely times that we spent together as young mums with our little children. I love being taken back to the time when my children were the centre of my world. On Saturday evening, it was great to eat and laugh together, it was lovely to see Angie's brother Tony again and to meet his lovely wife Tina. I love that Doni gets along so well with my oldest friend. It is great to see her and Kevin so happy. Many happy memories of our childhood together also came to mind, apple turnovers at Angies grandads house, my sister swooning over Tony, Angie and I sitting reading Catherine Cookson novels together in her room in Ecclesbourne Road, going for walks in our wellie rocker boots ( we painted our black wellies with welly rocker patterns and symbols, could have made a fortune with that idea), Angies mum always welcoming me to their home, I can see her leaning over, wiping the table wearing jeans, always getting a club biscuit at their house, I could go on .....special times....great days past present and more to come
Labels:
catherine cookson,
friends,
memories,
relationships,
reminising,
reunited,
special,
times,
wellies
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Special time with Dad and Paula
I can't remember Dad ever having a lot of hair but he always carried a comb and a nail file in a case. My sister, Paua and I would spend hours combing dad's hair and cleaning and filing his nails after his long hard day at work. Dad would tell us to take the long piece of hair that grew from just above his forehead and position it to cover a round bald patch at the back of his head. I loved this time spent with him, he would be so appreciative and would sigh and relax and would feel a strong sense of closeness to him and a kind of pride at being able to do something for him.
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